Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:17 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:05 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity - Info Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/547 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Fragile Sanity was written by Doug Rothenberg email address: douggail@ma.ultranet.com I reposted it by request from the seaQuest fan fiction archives Hope this helps. |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:19 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:07:36 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity 2/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/548 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:39:00 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 18:03:43 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 2/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 17:11:16 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org Disclaimer in part one. *********** Part 2 "Alone in His Pain" Lucas sought refuge on Sea Deck, where he once spent every waking moment, a long, long time ago. This was the only place he felt safe. He was sitting against the side of the Moon Pool, head in his hands, crying. Darwin, his dolphin companion, was bobbing up and down in the water, watching his human friend. Darwin knew that Lucas was crying, but didn't know why. "Lucas is sad," the dolphin observed, the AI program Lucas had designed automatically translating. Lucas looked up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "A little," he replied. "Why?" Darwin asked. Lucas thought about this for a few minutes. "I'm afraid," he said finally. Darwin lifted his head out of the water. "_seaQuest_ good boat!" he protested. "No need to be afraid!." Lucas smiled cynically. "I'm not afraid of the _seaQuest_," he explained patiently. "I'm afraid of dying." Darwin considered this for a while. "No fear," he said finally. "Brody, Wendy, and Ortiz not afraid." Lucas sighed heavily, remembering his dead crewmates -- his friends. "They had no time to be afraid," he said softly. "I do." Darwin pondered this momentarily. "Lucas be with Wendy soon?" he asked. Lucas wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He had never thought about it that way. "Yeah, I'll be with Wendy soon." Darwin suddenly seemed to understand what was going on with his human friend. "Lucas sick?" he asked. Lucas shuddered and put his head back in his hands. "Yeah, I'm sick," he replied. Darwin, ever the optimist, said, "Lucas gets better with time." Lucas shook his head; Darwin *didn't* understand. "No, this is the kind of thing that'll only get worse," he answered. Darwin thought about this for a minute. He spent a good deal of time with Lucas, and trusted him implicitly. Lucas was Darwin's best friend besides Bridger, who had gone away. Darwin had risked his life several times to help Lucas, and Lucas had done the same for Darwin on many occasions. Darwin had a bond with Lucas stronger than any human words could describe. "Lucas is friend," Darwin said quietly. "Darwin love Lucas." Lucas looked up, surprised. No one, with the possible exception of Captain Bridger, had ever said that they loved him. "I love you too, Darwin," Lucas said, and meant it. "Lucas is strong. Lucas will get better soon," Darwin announced. Lucas sighed. "I hope so, Darwin," he said softly. "I hope so." *********** It gets better after this. I promise! *********** Copyright: Diena Taylor, 1997 *********** "Wait in line, Lucas. Stand over there, Lucas. Take a number, Lucas... we'll get to you." *********** |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:20 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:08:39 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity 5/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/549 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:39:15 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 20:06:21 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 5/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 19:41:09 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org Disclaimers in part 1 ************ NOTE A: This might be a little disturbing, just so you're warned. NOTE B: The song is "Bright Eyes" by Art Garfunkel. ************ Part 5 "Ending the Pain" He decided the moment Tony suggested that he take the day off. Yes, he decided that this was all for the best. The pain had to end, and it was going to end right now. Lucas had slept most of the day, and now it was time for him to end the pain. He walked into the bathroom and opened his medicine cabinet. Neatly lined up according to purpose were his prescription and over-the-counter medications. Lucas glanced at the Tylenol, the Advil, the many anti-depressants that didn't work, a couple stimulants, and the Jerianaxil -- the experimental drug for the cardiomonography. This was the bottle he grabbed from the shelf, and this was the bottle he emptied into his hand. Two by two, he swallowed the small white pills until he had finished the bottle. This done, he walked back to his room and laid down on his bunk, waiting for the deadly dosage to do its work. Tony's shift was over, and he wanted to get some sleep before he had to meet O'Neill and Kimura for dinner. He walked to the door to Lucas' room and immediatly {felt} that something was wrong. He slowly pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect. "Luke?" he asked timidly. There was music coming from Lucas' disk-player. A song that Tony was vaguely familiar with, having heard Lucas singing it under his breath many times. "Is is a kind of dream, "Floating out on tide, "Following the river of death downstream, "Is it a dream? "There's a fog along the horizen, "A strange glow in the sky, "And nobody seems to know where you go "Or what does it mean "Oh, is it a dream? "Bright eyes, "Burning like fire, "Bright eyes, "How can you close and fade, "How can the light that burned so brightly, "Suddenly burn so pale, "Bright eyes. "Is it a kind of shadow, "Reaching into the night, "Wandering over the hills unseen, "Or is it a dream? "There's a high wind in the trees, "A cold sound in the air, "And nobody ever know when you go "And when you start "Oh into the dark. "Bright eyes, "Burning like fire, "Bright eyes, "How can you close and fade, "How can the light that burned so brightly, "Suddenly burn so pale, "Bright eyes." Tony looked around the room until his gaze fell on Lucas sprawled on his bunk, his breathing labored and shallow. Tony's eyes scanned the room, saw the empty medicine bottle on the floor of the bathroom, and instantly knew what happened. Tony ran over to the comm-unit in the wall near the door. He pressed the call button for med-bay and spoke quickly and frantically. "There's an emergency in Ensign Wolenczak's quarters," he said. Tony walked over to Lucas and knelt by him, not believing that Lucas would give up like this. "Aw man, Luke. Why do you have to do this?" The only answer came from the disk-player: "...How can a light that burned so brightly, "Suddenly burn so pale, "Bright eyes." |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:21 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:07:08 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVES REPOST: Fragile Sanity 1/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/551 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:38:49 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 17:42:35 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 1/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 17:11:10 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org >Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 17:15:58 -0500 >To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From: doug rothenberg >Subject: Fragile Sanity Part 1/6 > >Like I promised... here it is! > >************ >DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Universal and Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringment is intended. (The disease belongs to whoever made the movie "Beaches.") >************ >Part 1 >"Empty Portraits" > > Lieutenant Tim O'Neill's quarters were small but comfortable, as were most of the crew quarters on the _seaQuest_. Tim had all the lights but two turned out. One of the lights was positioned over his head, shining on his open sketchbook. The other light was located behind Tim's subject, Ensign Lucas Wolenczak. Lucas was sitting almost-motionless in a black upholstered chair, his long blond hair shining softly in the light. It had been nearly an hour, and Lucas was getting impatient. "You almost done?" he asked anxiously. > Tim nodded absently and adjusted his glasses, finishing up the final pen strokes. "Almost," he said. "Hold still." > Lucas did his best to comply with his friend's request, but he was soon fidgiting again. Lucas adjusted his position and groaned softly as his backbone hit the hard arm of the chair. Tim looked up and saw Lucas grimicing in pain. He was alarmed to find that he could also see Lucas' ribs clearly through his blue jumpsuit. "You been eating lately?" he asked as casually as possible. "I haven't seen you in the mess at all." > Lucas looked at him sharply. "I've been eating in my quarters," he said simply, indicating to Tim that he did not wish to pursue the topic. Tim nodded and finished the drawing. He turned the sketch pad around and flipped it over so that Lucas could see. > It was just a rough sketch, but it was good. The shadow and light gave the drawing depth and character. Lucas grinned at the black and white portrait of himself. "That's really good," he said appreciatively. > Tim smiled, pleased that the teenager was satisfied. "Later on I want to do one of you and Darwin together. You know, the boy and his dolphin." > Lucas nodded, preoccupied. He was exhausted, not having gotten much sleep in the past few weeks. There were many reasons for his sleeplessness, but the main one was the recurring nightmare about his terrible ordeal on the planet Hyperion. The heat, thirst, hunger, and finally the insanity that eventually ended his life. But once again he was brought back from the brink of death. This time by Tobias LaCant, who transported him -- and most of the crew of the _seaQuest_ -- to his last peaceful thought before he was about to die. Lucas shuddered at the memory of that tiny raft in the middle of the endless ocean. > Tim saw Lucas tense up. "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned. > Lucas shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing." > Tim raised his eyebrows -- he knew Lucas too well. "You sure?" he inquired. > Lucas sighed heavily. "I don't know," he said finally. "I'm just really tired." Well, that was an understatement, but he didn't want to go into any more detail unless Tim asked. Even then, Lucas wasn't looking forward to what he would eventually have to say. > "You been feeling okay?" Tim asked softly. > Lucas shrugged. "I haven't been feeling *bad* per se, but I haven't been feeling good." He took a deep breath. If he was going to tell anyone this, he may as well tell Tim -- the only person he truly trusted besides Darwin. "I talked to Dr. Perry," he began. "And she said that I..." Lucas took a shuddery breath at the prospect of his next words. Once he regained his cool, he began again. "She said that I..." *It's now or never, Wolenczak,* he told himself. "Tim, I've got some sort of virus... in my heart. Viral cardiomonography I think it's called. I've got maybe a year to live." > Tim stared at him for a long time. "Isn't there a cure?" he asked incredulously. > Lucas shook his head. "There's an experimental drug that I'm taking for it, but I doubt it's doing any good. Dr. Perry called everyone she knows from John Hopkins, Boston, Mason General, Harvard, and a whole bunch of places I've never even heard of. And everyone said that the best thing for me to do is to take the medication and rest." Lucas answered. "Does Hudson know?" Once again, Lucas shook his head. "You and Dr. Perry are the only ones who know. And I'd like to keep it that way if I can." Tim sat back in his chair, gazing at the teenager thoughtfully. How could Lucas, this incredible young man, be dying? Tim had, for a long while, thought that Lucas Wolenczak was immortal. He was so young, so brilliant, so promising. What he was now telling Tim seemed like a bad dream. A bad dream that none of them would wake up from. Tim watched Lucas sadly, taking in his beloved blond hair -- the hair that Lucas refused to cut, even after enlisting -- his deep, sorrowful, liquid-blue eyes, his blue jumpsuit. Tim shook his head, remembering when Lucas used to wear jeans, short-sleeves and old flannel shirts. But that was a long time ago. Before Tobias. Before Hyperion. Before Hudson's "no-civilian" policy. A very long time ago, when Lucas had been happy. But now... now. Tim felt a pang of remorse at the realization that Lucas had barely an opportunity to live, and now he was dying. Finally, Lucas broke the silence. "Ever wondered why you stayed on after Hyperion?" he asked. Tim nodded. "Every day," he replied truthfully. Lucas nodded in agreement. "Me too," he said. "You know, at first I thought being enlisted was the coolest thing in the world. But now I hate it and I don't even remember why I did it." Tim grabbed a photograph off the shelf next to him and handed it to Lucas. It was of the original crew: Captain Bridger, Commander Ford, Dr. Westphalen, Lieutenant-Commander Hitchcock, Tim, Chief Ortiz, Lieutenant Krieg, and Lucas. Lucas looked at it for a long time, and smiled. "Because you're more devoted than any of us put together," Tim said. Lucas sighed. "I only wish I knew why," he said, handing the picture back. "This is your home," Tim said. "You've been here longer than any of us." Lucas looked at the floor, lost in the past. Looking at this forsaken young man, Tim wished he could turn back time so that Lucas could be happy. But he knew he couldn't. And Tim knew that this encounter would eat at him a little every day until he saw Lucas smile again. *********** Copyright: Diena Taylor, 1997 *********** "Wait in line, Lucas. Stand over there, Lucas. Take a number, Lucas... we'll get to you." *********** |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:28 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:08:56 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity 6/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/552 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:39:20 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 20:47:58 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 6/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 20:11:10 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org >Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 20:45:43 -0500 >To: seaQues-ff@stgenesis.org >From: doug rothenberg >Subject: Fragile Sanity Part 6/6 > > I may have already sent this, so sorry if I did. Disclaimers in part 1 >*************** >NOTE: Yay! It's the last part! I don't have to type any more! >*************** >Part 6 >"You'll Never Walk Alone" > > Captain Oliver Hudson was confused and angry. He had just gotten a call from med-bay telling him that Ensign Wolenczak had purposly taken an overdose of some sort of medication that Hudson had never heard of, let alone known that Lucas was taking it. > Luckily, Piccolo had found the ensign in time to save his life, but the next few days would be critical. Now Hudson, Commander Ford, and Piccolo were walking out of Lucas' ICU room, all solemn and quiet. Dr. Perry tried to lift their spirits by assuring them, "He should be okay." > Hudson looked at his XO and tried to grasp what was going on. He knew he didn't have the whole story. "Why am I getting the feeling I'm missing something?" he asked, looking Ford in the eye, making Ford cringe. > Ford stammered a moment. "Well, sir, it's a long story," he said, finally. > Hudson glared at him. "I *like* long stories," he replied. "Let's go to my office." > > Hudson couldn't believe what he had just heard. His junior officer, dying of a disease that Hudson had never heard of, not telling anyone but a choice few. In a way, Hudson felt hurt that Lucas hadn't confided in *him*. But what was done was done, and now Hudson had to deal with the repurcussions. "Why wasn't I informed about this?" he demanded angrily. > Ford barely met his gaze. "Lucas thought it was best..." he began. > Hudson cut him off, almost, but not quite, losing his temper. "'Thought it was best'? I need to file a report to McGrath on why one of my crew members attempted suicide and retained important medical information and I'm supposed to say he 'thought it was best'?" > Tony spoke up, almost meekly. "Sir, Lucas has a tough time admitting he needs help," he said. "He thought that maybe if you didn't know, you wouldn't try to help him." > Ford nodded. "Lucas has always dealt with things alone," he said, and it was the truth. "But..." > Tony continued Ford's unfinished sentence. "Solitude has its price." > An awkward silence came over the room as the members of the group looked at each other uncomfortably. Finally, Hudson broke the silence by clearing his throat. "Well, thank you gentlemen," he said, not sounding thankful at all, "you're dismissed." > Piccolo and Ford got up and left the room, leaving Hudson alone to wonder why he was so easy on his crew. > > Lucas was awake, and had been for several days. Now he was staring at the wall, seeing nothing and everything at the same time. Dagwood peeked in the room and, seeing that Lucas was awake, walking in hesitantly, holding a wilting bouquet of flowers. Lucas noticed his friend and snapped out of his reverie. "Hi Dagwood," he said in greeting. His voice was soft and pained, clearly reflecting his state of mind. > "Mmm, hello Lucas," Dagwood said, almost embarrased. "Are you feeling better?" > Lucas nodded slightly. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks Dag." > Dagwood held out the flowers. "These are for you," he said, as Lucas took them gently, touched by the GELF's concern. > "Thank you," Lucas said. > Dagwood stood in front of Lucas for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Why did you want to die?" he asked innocently. > Lucas was surprised by the question; he hadn't been expecting it. "A lot of reasons, Dag," Lucas explained. "Sometimes people do things they can't explain, but seemed like the right thing to do at the time." > "Do you still want to die?" Dagwood asked, concerned for his friend's well-being. > Lucas shook his head. "No... I -- I..." he paused for a long time. "I want to get better, Dagwood," he said finally. > Dagwood considered this for a moment. "Do you feel bad, Lucas?" he asked. "Do you feel alone?" > Lucas nodded, blinking back the tears that were welling up in the corners of his blue eyes. "Yes," he said shakily. "I always feel alone." > Dagwood put one big splotched hand on Lucas' slim shoulder. "Mmmm, you are not alone Lucas," he said softly. "You have friends who love you." > The tears came then, and Lucas sobbed harshly as they fell down his pale cheeks. Dagwood wrapped his strong arms around his friend and let him cry, the tears washing the pain and hurt away. > > > > > > > >THE END!!!! FINALLY!!!!! > >Copyright: Diena Taylor, 1997 >*************** >"Wait in line, Lucas. Stand over there, Lucas. Take a number, Lucas... we'll get to you." >************** > ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:29 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:08:19 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity 4/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/553 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:39:11 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 19:46:27 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 4/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 19:11:12 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org Disclaimers in part 1 ************** NOTE A: My editor *hated* this part when I gave it to her in script form, so she didn't read it in this format. Please excuse any mistakes that may have resulted from being too depressing. What does everyone else think? NOTE B: I used several lines from Jonathan Brandis' latest movie, "Two Came Back." ************** Part 4 "Fall From Grace" It was nice to once again share a room with a former roommate, no matter how irritating they could be to each other. Tony Piccolo couldn't help smiling as he stretched out on his inflatable mattress on the floor of Lucas Wolenczak's small quarters. The year he had spent sharing a room with the scientist had meant a lot to him, and now Lucas seemed more than happy to have company. Tony silently thanked the construction crew that had decided to make some repairs on the deck that Tony's room happened to be located on. Tony wasn't fast when it came to picking up details, but he did notice that Lucas seemed a lot quieter than he had been. He also noticed that Lucas was up late at night, unable to sleep for a variety of reasons varying from fevers to the fact that maybe he had a few cups of coffee too many. Tonight, everything seemed to be all right. Tony had just drifted off into a deep, sound sleep, when he was jolted awake by a sound coming from Lucas' bathroom. Tony got up, wrapping his blanket around himself and walked towards the bathroom. When he pushed the door open, he saw Lucas crouched in front of the toilet, vomiting heavily. Tony suddenly got very scared. For some reason or another, he became utterly terrified. Maybe it was because Lucas looked so weak and helpless curled up like that. Or maybe it was because he had {sensed} something was horribly wrong. In any case, he got his wits together and knelt by his friend, wrapping the blanket around the boy's shaking body. "What's wrong?" he asked, his usual tough-guy image quickly disintegrating into nothing. Lucas looked up at Tony, fear clouding his eyes. "I don't want this to happen to me," he whispered, tears streaming down his pale face. "I know, Luke," Tony said softly, calling Lucas by the nickname that had begun so long ago when Tony couldn't pronounce "Wolenczak." Tony had said, "Let's just stick with Luke," and the name had been used ever since. For a while, Lucas had pretended to hate it, but soon accepted the name and a camaraderie with Tony that had never been broken. "What's going on?" Lucas pushed back a sob. "I can't stop throwing up," he murmured painfully. "For how long?" Tony asked, trying to sound like he knew something about teenage illnesses and failing miserably. "All night," Lucas replied. "A couple hours ago it turned into dry heaves..." his voice trailed off for a moment. "But now all I'm bringing up is blood..." He sounded so scared, so hopelessly scared. Tony didn't know what to do. Lucas seemed so small, so vulnerable. "It hurts so bad," Lucas said through his sobs. "It just hurts so bad." Tony knew he was no expert when it came to health, and he didn't trust himself to take care of Lucas. "You want me to call Dr. Perry?" he asked hopefully. Lucas swallowed hard and tried to sound tough as he replied, "No." He softened a little and repeated, "No." Tony shook his head. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked. Tnere was no reply. "You're really sick, Luke," Tony said. "This is the third night in a row you've been up all night. You gotta get help." Lucas looked up and shook his head desperately. "No," he said, then paused. "Don't you understand?" he asked. "Hudson thinks I'm weak as it is. I need to show him that I can handle this by myself." "You don't *need* to handle it by yourself," Tony assured him. "You need help, Lucas." Lucas shook his head dejectedly. "You don't get it, Tony," he snapped. "If Hudson sees I can't handle my sickness and still be an officer, he'll send me away." Tony felt a terrible sense of something close to guilt at the fear that had been instilled in this young man. As Tony looked at Lucas, he saw only a shadow of his former roommate, and couldn't believe how much his friend had changed since they came back from Hyperion. Tony suddenly realized that the day they returned to Earth was the day Lucas' life fell apart. "He won't do that," Tony tried to assure his friend, but Lucas pushed him away. "He will," Lucas said. "I know he will." Lucas was slient for a while, then spoke again. "I can't let Hudson know that I'm dying... He'll say that I'll be a danger to myself and the crew. I can't let him know." Tony silently gazed at Ensign Lucas Wolenczak, the boy who know ranked up with Superman on Tony's list of heroes. "What do you want, Lucas?" he asked. Lucas thought for a minute before answering. "I want to die now," he murmured. "You don't really want that, do you?" Tony asked, trying not to panic. "What do you want right now, as in this minute?" He paused. "Some ginger ale? Crackers?... A friend?" Lucas hesitated. Tony was right -- he *didn't* really want to die. Not now. "Be my friend," he said softly. "Just be here for me." Lucas leaned heavily against Tony and began to cry hard. Tony gently stroked Lucas' long blond hair. "That's it. Let it all out," Tony said, holding his friend as though just human contact would cure him. "It's okay to cry, Lucas." *********** Copyright: Diena Taylor, 1997 ************ "Wait in line, Lucas. Stand over there, Lucas. Take a number, Lucas... we'll get to you." ************ |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe Resent-date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:10:21 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 00:07:59 -0600 (CST) Resent-from: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org From: Leigh Gaffney Subject: (sQ-ff) ARCHIVE REPOST: Fragile Sanity 3/6 Resent-sender: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org To: seaquest-ff@stgenesis.org Reply-to: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org X-Mailing-List: archive/latest/550 X-Loop: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org >From douggail@ma.ultranet.com Sat Nov 29 16:39:06 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 18:36:33 -0500 From: doug rothenberg Reply-To: seaQuest-ff@escapenet.org To: seaQuest-ff@stgenesis.org Subject: (sQ-ff) Fragile Sanity Part 3/6 Resent-Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 18:11:17 -0600 (CST) Resent-From: seaQuest-ff-request@escapenet.org Disclaimers in part 1. **************** NOTE: Slight Lonnie-bashing in this part. **************** Part 3 "Helpless" Commander Jonathan Devin Ford stood in the center of the _seaQuest_'s bridge and surveyed his crew. There was O'Neill on Communications, of course; Henderson, Ford's on-again off-again lover on Navigation; Piccolo on Weapons for a change; Kimura assisting Piccolo; and Lucas -- Ford still couldn't bring himself to think of his junior officer as anything *but* Lucas -- at the upper helm console next to Henderson. Ford looked at his crew with admiration and pride. This was the most elite group of men and women in the UEO, and they were all -- well, Hudson's, really. But just because Hudson was the captain didn't mean that Ford couldn't be proud of the crew he had been with for years. Everything was going smoothly, only a quiet undertone of conversation as Henderson flirted with everyone from the genius Lucas to the street-smart Piccolo. One thing that Ford absolutely *hated* about Lieutenant (j.g.) Lenore Ellen Henderson was her tendency to flirt. Lucas -- thank God the kid had *some* respect for his superior officers -- wasn't responding to Henderson's come-ons. Piccolo, on the other hand, was more than happy to indulge. While Ford was watching this irritating yet amusing scene, he noticed that Lucas kept coughing harshly and rubbing his already-red eyes with the back of his hand. Worried, Ford walked over. Noticing his commander, Lucas pulled the headset he was wearing down around his neck. "You okay?" Ford asked. Lucas nodded tightly. "I'm fine," he murmured. Ford looked at the young officer, then back at the bridge. He noticed that O'Neill had turned around at his console and was watching them. "You don't have to pretend you know," Ford said, turning back to Lucas. He paused, waiting for Lucas' reaction and getting none. "About being sick," he continued. "You don't have to pretend you're not." Lucas looked tiredly at Ford. "I'm not sick," he said. Ford shook his head. "Yes you are," he replied. "Everyone knows it, Lucas. You don't have to pretend anymore." Lucas looked down at his console. "You don't understand," he said in something close to a whisper. Ford stared hard at Lucas. "Try me," he said. Lucas looked nervously around the crowded bridge, his blue eyes darting from one person to another, finally resting on Piccolo standing below him. "Could we go somewhere private, sir?" he asked softly. Ford nodded. This wasn't usually something he did, but for Lucas... "Sure," he said. "Come on." Lucas stood shakily and put his headset down on the console. Ford put one arm around Lucas' tiny waist, helping him down. As he did this, Ford noticed how very pale and thin Lucas had gotten in the past few weeks. Ford turned to Henderson, who sat up at attention when she saw him looking at her. "Henderson, you have the bridge," he said. Henderson stood and made her way to the center of the bridge. "Aye sir," she replied with a quick salute. The ward room, thankfully, was empty. Ford led Lucas to one of the chairs that surrounded the large oak table in the center of the room. He himself sat across from his friend and junior officer. Ford looked into Lucas' eyes and saw them brimming with tears of pain, exhaustion, and fear. "What's going on, Lucas?" Ford asked gently. "Why can't you accept our help?" Lucas looked down at the enameled table. "Hudson..." he whispered. "I don't want him to know I'm sick." The anguish and anxiety in Lucas' voice and the look in his eyes made Ford wonder how Hudson could go around scaring the hell out of his officers like this. "Why?" he asked. "I just don't," Lucas replied hollowly. Ford nodded; he respected Lucas' need for privacy of his motives, as he always had. But he still pursued the topic. "I understand this is difficult for you, Lucas," he began, lightly taking Lucas' graceful, pale, cold hands in his big, dark, warm ones. "But you have to understand that we're all here for you. No matter what's wrong with you." Lucas shook his head sorrowfully. "Thanks Commander, but this is something I have to handle myself," he said. Ford sighed. "If you say so, Lucas," he said softly. He paused, thinking. "You can have the rest of the day off if you want," he offered. Lucas looked up. "No," he said. "I need to work. To keep my mind off of this." Ford looked at the boy skeptically. "Are you sure?" he asked, concerned that Lucas was going to get seriously hurt if he continued like this. Lucas nodded. "Positive," he said with conviction. The two officers stood. "Be careful, Ensign," Ford said. "I don't want you over-extending yourself." "I won't," Lucas answered, and walked out of the room. Ford watched him go, sadly. He had never really gotten to know Lucas Wolenczak; figured he'd be like all the other science officers. But as the years went by, Ford couldn't help but admire Lucas' strength, his determination. Bridger had once said that Lucas was "emotionally motivated." Ford just hoped that the boy's motivation wouldn't fade out on him. |\ _,,,---,,_ Leigh "Wolenczak" /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ Escapenet IRC Network |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' http://www.escapenet.org '---''(_/--' `-'\_) "You know I just remembered, you're boring, and my legs work" ---------------------------------------- seaQuest-ff-request@stgenesis.org Subject: unsubscribe