========================================================================== indecision II. Kathy Wolenczak a.k.a. Kathleen Brown ========================================================================== Timeline: SeaQuest 2032 Author's E-Mail: kwolenczak@hotmail.com ========================================================================== Indecision 2 Night. Lucas is on shore leave, walking down a street to a club he's only mildly heard of, and that was in the crew's putting down of anyone not like them. Lucas is terrified of how they'll react, so he's decided not to tell them. He has a full month of liberty to figure out what's going on in his life and his mind, given to him by Hudson for Wendy's "medical reasons". Hudson's learned not to ask questions when it comes to her. Lucas walks into the club and the door swings shut behind him. On the door is a picked-away sticker of bars of color, resembling a rainbow. Inside the club, Lucas stands there, alone in a sea of people, dressed in jeans and a corduroy shirt, over a simple ash-gray T-shirt. He looks around and sees couples dancing happily together, same-sex couples, boys dancing with boys, girls dancing with girls. Lucas is scared. Suddenly, it comes into his mind that maybe, just maybe, guys might see him as who he is, rather than like girls do, as a roll in the hay and a pretty face to show off to their friends. No, it can't happen, nobody can love him. Tears well up in his blue eyes and pain hits the bottom of his stomach. He begins to cry and stagger to the bathroom where he won't be seen. Exactly. He won't be seen. If something happens, if someone likes him _too_ much, nobody will be able to hear him scream. He starts to cry harder, this is so difficult, he's _so_ scared. Out of nowhere a guy comes up behind Lucas on Rollerblades, carrying drinks, calling out to end a conversation with somebody. He doesn't anticipate Lucas being there and bumps into him, sending an unsuspecting Lucas to the floor. The guy turns around and puts down his tray of drinks on the counter Lucas was leaning against. He leans over and takes Lucas' hand to help him up. Lucas jerks away. LUCAS Don't. Lucas sits up and stands, shaky on his feet. He brushes himself off and looks at the guy, angry. LUCAS (sarcastically) Thanks. The guy is looking closely at Lucas. LUCAS What?! GUY (suspiciously) Are you waiting for someone? LUCAS No. GUY (extending a hand in greeting) I'm David. Lucas nods as his apology for being so rude and takes his hand in a handshake. LUCAS Lucas Wolenczak. DAVID Yeah, I know. You new here? LUCAS I'm new in this entire _situation_. DAVID I figured. You look pretty scared. LUCAS I'm _not_ scared. Lucas looks at David. David's pretty damn good looking. Blue eyes, six-foot, Marco curls. Lucas shakes his head and looks at the floor. He looks back up at David. LUCAS I'm petrified. DAVID You wanna go talk someplace? Lucas looks up, scared. DAVID (grinning) Relax. _Just_ to talk, Lucas. LUCAS (relaxing) Okay. David nods emphatically and holds up a finger to Lucas, signifying "one minute". Lucas nods, David skates away. Lucas swallows nervously and sighs. Moments later, David returns, now wearing some simple shoes, smiling warmly at Lucas. David gently puts his hand on Lucas' arm and leads him up the stairs. Upstairs, in the loft of the club, Lucas and David walk into a sparsely furnished, clean, tastefully decorated room. Lucas looks a little confused. LUCAS What is this place? DAVID My apartment. LUCAS Wait.... You _live_ here? DAVID Rent's free, all I do is get people drinks and sweep. Cushy job. Want something to drink? Lucas looks at him. his expression reads "You lookin' to get me liquored up so you can get me to do something I don't wanna?". David laughs and shakes his head. DAVID Coffee, Lucas. God, you must be the most suspicious person I've ever _met_. Lucas nods softly, feeling guilty. He wanders around the room. DAVID How old are you? Lucas considers it. LUCAS Nineteen. DAVID Wow. LUCAS That surprises you? DAVID I didn't think more than eighteen, at best. LUCAS How old are you? DAVID Twenty-one. Lucas feels bad somehow. David comes up behind him and hands him a cup of coffee. Lucas sips at it. There's a quiet moment. DAVID So, what do you like to do? Lucas looks up at him. LUCAS I work with computers. DAVID _Other_ than that, Lucas. LUCAS (shrugs, not wanting to bear all.) Not a lot. When I'm not working or hacking I'm asleep. DAVID You're saying you have _no_ interests? Lucas looks at him. DAVID Lucas, I don't want to use you or do _whatever_ to you, I just want to be your friend. I see a lot of people come through here and I know from the look on your face that you don't want a lover, you just want a friend. I'm trying to be that for you. Lucas looks at him. He sits on his couch, looking down into his coffee. LUCAS I like to write. DAVID Cool. What do you write? LUCAS Poetry. Some short stories. (Lucas shrugs) It isn't much of anything. DAVID If it make you happy it's something. It's better than I could do. (beat) Would you be upset if I asked you something? LUCAS (suspiciously) No.... DAVID Are you anorexic or something, God, I've never seen anyone as skinny as you. Except some guy with AIDS. Lucas sighs shakily. He looks down into his coffee again. LUCAS I've been doing the best I can. Five months of damage can't be made better in such a little while. DAVID Lucas? What's wrong? LUCAS I'm anorexic and bulimic. I only got out of rehab a little while ago. DAVID Oh, God, Lucas, I'm so sorry. I was just kidding around. I didn't know.... LUCAS Just please don't ever joke about it. It's too personal to have it mocked like that. I can't help it. DAVID Lucas, I'm so sorry. Lucas nods. LUCAS I know. People don't know, and what people are ignorant of isn't something to penalize them for. David nods and continues to look at Lucas with concern. Lucas looks at him, suspicious again. LUCAS You didn't get offended. DAVID Did you say something that _should_ have offended me? LUCAS I said you were ignorant. Everyone who I've ever called ignorant has yelled at me and gotten offended. DAVID I'm the first one to admit it, Lucas, I know little or nothing about eating disorders, their causes, or symptoms. Lucas stares at him a moment. DAVID That doesn't mean I don't _respect_ your illness, I do. I'm so sorry, Lucas. LUCAS (out of nowhere) I need a friend, David. David nods and gently places his hand on Lucas'. Early morning. Lucas and David are walking down New Cape Quest's sunny streets together. Lucas is wearing the same clothes he wore last night. David, however, has changed. Hmm.... David reaches out in the middle of the conversation, and takes Lucas' hand. Lucas pulls away, looking at David, slightly shocked. DAVID I'm sorry. (Lucas looks at him closely.) I like you, Lucas. LUCAS (innocently) I like you, too, David. DAVID I _really_, _really_ like you, Lucas. Lucas mulls this over. He betrays a soft smile. LUCAS I like you, too, David. David smiles and with that, it's done. Lucas has found love and from this moment forth, for as long as he can think of, he will be happy. He smiles wider as he walks down the street with David. LUCAS That doesn't mean you can hold my hand, though. I'm gonna need some time on that one. David nods, that's a good compromise. Lucas' hotel room. David's lying on his bed, looking through Lucas' wallet while Lucas brushes his teeth. He walks in and looks at what David is doing, wondering. David holds up a gold foil-wrapped condom with a questioning look on his face. LUCAS It means something. Lucas walks into the other room to finish the tooth-brushing process. Rinse and spit. DAVID What? AIDS isn't a good idea? LUCAS (calling) Not to rush into things. David nods and puts the item back in Lucas' wallet. Lucas comes back in and checks his beeper on the table. David holds up an ID card. DAVID Cute. Can I have this? Lucas glances back. LUCAS What is it? DAVID Your Driver's License. LUCAS Sure, it's expired anyway. David grins. Lucas looks back at the pages. He gets the vid off the foot of the bed and places it on the table. He dials. It rings and he sits at the table. Wendy answers and smiles. WENDY Hi. How'd it go? LUCAS OK. I made a friend. Wendy smiles. WENDY What's her name? LUCAS (grinning) David. Wendy's smile slides off her face. Lucas grins. She didn't really believe him. LUCAS You were wrong, Wendy. WENDY I know, Lucas. Lucas looks at her. LUCAS I'm happy, Wendy. WENDY (sighs) I know, Lucas. Lucas sighs. LUCAS I'm gonna go out for breakfast. Page me if something important comes up. Wendy nods. Lucas hangs up and looks at David. David grins. Lucas flops down on the bed next to him. David affectionately strokes Lucas' hair. Lucas sighs and closes his eyes. DAVID _Are_ you happy, Lucas? LUCAS I haven't been in a relationship for my equivalent of a year and a half, an actual loving relationship for _two_ and a half. I'm tired of being alone and this is the most comfortable relationship I've _ever_ been in. DAVID I think I feel the same way. Lucas smiles. David continues to stroke his long blonde hair. DAVID How long do you have leave? LUCAS A month. DAVID Let's enjoy it. Lucas smiles. DAVID Wanna go get breakfast? Lucas sits up. LUCAS I'm hungry. Sure. David smiles. One month later. Boardwalk. Lucas and David are together, sharing a crushed ice/syrup drink. Lucas looks out at the ocean. He looks back at David. LUCAS Let's say goodbye now. DAVID I thought you were leaving tomorrow morning. LUCAS Yeah, I am, but I don't want there to be a big deal when I leave. David nods softly. DAVID Are you going to tell them? LUCAS When the time is right. DAVID But you _will_? LUCAS Of course. David nods softly. He hugs Lucas close. Lucas rests his blonde head on his shoulder. David pulls back and looks into Lucas' eyes. DAVID I'm gonna miss you, Lucas. Lucas nods. David kisses him passionately. Lucas kisses him back and ends it by resting his head on David's shoulder. David pushes Lucas away. DAVID Go home. Call me. LUCAS I will, I swear. David grins and nods. Lucas sighs and walks off the boardwalk. David sighs deeply. _seaQuest_, the next day. Lucas is dejected, quiet. Working halfheartedly. Tim turns to Lucas. O'NEILL Lucas, you got a vid comin' into your room. Lucas looks at his watch and a big grin spreads across his face. He gets down off his platform and leaves. Ford, unknowing, turns to a knowing Hudson and smiles. FORD Vacation did that boy some good. Hudson nods, smiling. Galley. Night. Several days later. Lucas is sitting there on the vid with David, discussing the intricacies of their lives. Lucas laughs at a story and grins. He looks at his watch. LUCAS Shoot. I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow. David smiles. DAVID Sure you will. LUCAS David..... DAVID Relax, Lucas, I'm kidding. (Lucas smiles.) I love you. Lucas smiles and nearly blushes. LUCAS I love you, too. David smiles. LUCAS Bye. DAVID Bye. Lucas hangs up, sighs, and leaves. Dag is in the hallway, waiting for him. DAGWOOD Lucas, why did you tell him you love him? LUCAS Because I do, Dagwood. DAGWOOD But I thought you were supposed to like girls. LUCAS Who told you that? DAGWOOD Tony. LUCAS Tony's narrow minded. Lucas leaves. LUCAS (calling) G'night, Dagwood. Dagwood grunts thoughtfully and walks away. Morning. Lucas is groggy, wiping at his face, trying to wake up before he has breakfast. He wanders into the Galley and picks up an apple before realizing _everybody_'s staring at him. He looks at them a moment. LUCAS What's up? PICCOLO Were you planning on _telling_ us anytime soon? O'NEILL I can't believe you're _doing_ this to us. Lucas looks at them a moment. He serenely sighs and leaves. People whisper about him, Tim shakes his head in utter disgust. Ortiz gets up and jogs into the hallway as Lucas bites into his apple. ORTIZ Lucas! Lucas turns. Ortiz catches up to him. ORTIZ I kinda know what you're going through. LUCAS Do you really? ORTIZ My brother went through this. I sortof know what you're going through. We were close. LUCAS You wanna tell them I'm _not_ what they think I am? ORTIZ What are you? LUCAS Confused. Rather frightened. Terribly lonely and just wanting a little company on my way through life. If this's the way it has to be, such is life. Ortiz nods softly. ORTIZ Can I help? LUCAS Can you be my friend? ORTIZ When do you need me? Lucas smiles. Later. Bridge. Lucas is sitting at his post. He looks tired, very dejected. Hudson sees this and goes over to him. HUDSON Would you like some more time off, ensign? LUCAS (lifting his head up) No, Sir. I'm all right. HUDSON I know the crew has been bothering you. LUCAS Is it wrong to want to be happy at all costs? HUDSON Not at all. LUCAS Then why are people calling me a "fag" behind my back and treating me like all of a sudden I'm not a real person? HUDSON I really don't know, Lucas. Ignorance. Prejudice. LUCAS They're the same thing. HUDSON (nodding) Hang in there. Do what makes you happy. Lucas nods softly. Later, Lucas walks into the men's head after his shift and is struck down by the sight before him. Written, in _lipstick_, is the word "FAG!!", plain as day. He knows it's directed towards him. Lucas immediately has tears streaming down his cheeks. He sighs deeply and walks forward to take care of his need, despite the "fight or flight" instinct in him. His quarters. He's bemoaning his problems to David and crying and completely distraught. He sighs. DAVID Lucas. Lucas looks up, his face red and blotchy. DAVID Remember how I told you I've been feeling sick these passed couple weeks? Lucas nods absently. DAVID I went to the doctor yesterday. LUCAS I know. DAVID I have AIDS. LUCAS (shocked to death) You told me you were a virgin! DAVID I am. But that doesn't mean I'm not exposed to homosexual people every day. You know that I don't work in exactly the most high-class gig in town, people get in fights, hell, Lucas, _I_'ve gotten in fights. I've gotten cut and punched and beat up. LUCAS What're you gonna do? DAVID My first plan was to break up with you. LUCAS NO! Why?! DAVID I want to spare you a whole lot of pain. And I'm leaving for a treatment facility off the Macronesian coast on Sunday. People find out about this and you and I are gonna be the talk of the whole damn _world_. It's better this way. LUCAS Will you at least let me know how you're doing? Write me? DAVID I promise, Lucas. We'll always have this friendship. Lucas nods softly. David looks closely at him. DAVID Goodbye, Lucas. Lucas nods softly. David smiles bravely and hangs up. Lucas sighs and lets his head fall into his hands. Morning. Everybody knows. Lucas went crying to Ortiz and it got around the whole boat. Through overhearing, not Ortiz telling, because anything Lucas tells him in confidence _stays_ in confidence. Tim is watching as Lucas sits alone, quietly trying his hardest not to break down, trying to violently fight every tear that rolls down his cheek. Tim sighs and shakes his head. O'NEILL I can't deal with this, he's dying over there, it's not fair. PICCOLO I thought you hated Lucas. O'NEILL I don't _hate_ Lucas, I hate what he's done. And besides, it's an old rule, rules're made to be broken. Tim stands and walks over to Lucas. He sits beside him. Lucas looks at Tim a moment, then allows himself to be gathered into his arms. Lucas doesn't sob, doesn't cry, but simply rests. He needs to rest, it's been a very, very difficult couple of months. THE END ========================================================================== Copyright Kathleen Brown June 1997