This is a fanfiction birthday story that appeared on the seaQuest mailing list in July of 95. Comments should be sent to the author Deanna Toxopeus . Happy disclaimer: The great, but misguided Ablin, Universal and NBC own the bodies of the caracters in this story. What I forced them to do at gunpoint in this story was completely my idea, and therefor belongs in whole to me. If you appropriate this as your own, I will find you and force you to drink the water from the "It's a Small World Ride". Do you really want that? I thought not. Dagwood's Birthday by Deanna Toxopeus *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* Some one was knocking on the door. Tony Piccolo buried his head deeper into his pillow. He had had far too much to drink at Commander Ford's birthday party last night. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* Tony opened one eye and looked at the clock. It was five thirty in the morning. And someone was knocking on the door. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* Tony rolled on to his back and stared at the bed above him. He could hear Lucas snoring. Since the kid normally didn't snore, Piccolo knew he was awake. That meant he was faking it. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* Lucas was probably still mad at Tony because he wouldn't let the kid sneak a beer last night. So the chance of the boy genius getting up to answer the door was about nil. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* As Tony saw it, he had two options, he could ignore the noise or answer the door. If he ignored the noise, it might go away. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* But then again, there could really only be one person knocking on his door at this time in the morning. And that person wasn't going to go away . . . *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* . . . even if he did open the door. *Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang!* So it was with a heavy heart, and a fuzzy head, that Tony Piccolo rolled himself out of bed and stumbled to the door. "Good Morning Tony!" Dagwood greeted him cheerfully as the door opened. "Good Morning Dagwood." Tony's response was less then cheerful. "Come on in," he added as the giant walked past him into the room. "Morning Lucas!" Dagwood called gleefully to the still form in the upper bunk. One arm emerged from the covers to wave limply in reply. The GELF walked over to the bed. Gently he lifted the blankets and peered underneath. When he saw Lucas' state, he dropped cloth and looked at Tony. "You and Lucas were sleeping. I woke you up. I'm sorry. I'll go now." He started to head towards the door. Tony couldn't believe this. "No Dagwood you don't have to go. We were just about to get up," Tony called over to the top bunk, his voice raising in volume. "Weren't we Lucas?" Lucas mumbled something incomprehensible and rolled over so that he faced away from them. Tony chuckled, and turned back to Dagwood, "now what can we do for you?" "I want to ask you and Lucas a favour." "What kind of a favour?" "I want a birthday." Tony was dumbfounded. "Wait a minute Dagwood, don't you have a birthday?" Dagwood hunched his shoulders, and lowered his head. "Noo," he said, his voice a strange mix of pain and embarrassment. "I was created." Created, that made it difficult, Tony thought. "Do you know when you were created?" Dagwood shook his head, as it sunk even lower into his shoulders. He looked confused, and in a strange way embarrassed. Tony was at a lost. * * * * "Then pick one." Lucas' disembodied voice drifted over from the upper bunk. Pick one. Tony turned to look at the bed. The kid was brilliant! "Yeah Dagwood," he said as he turned back to the ship's janitor. "You can pick your birthday." The GELF still looked confused. "You my friend, are in a unique situation." Tony explained as he tried to put his arm around Dagwood's shoulders. He only succeeded in reaching halfway across his back. "You can pick any day out of the year as your birthday. There are three hundred and sixty-five days to choose from. Three hundred and sixty-six if it's a leap year. I'ld recommend staying away from February 29 though. It's only happens once every four years. Just think, you can schedule the celebrations so that they don't collide with holidays like Christmas, Easter, and . . . Groundhog Day. You know," Tony waved his free finger at his friend, "I almost envy you." Dagwood stayed silent for a few minutes as he absorbed everything that Tony had said. He then looked at Tony and asked, "any day?" "Any day!" Dagwood pulled himself up to his full height. "Then I pick today." "Great! Happy Birthday big guy!" Tony slapped Dagwood's back in congratulations. "Now if you'll excuse me," he said as he headed back to his bed, "I have a date with a lovely lady called Sleep." He crawled into the bunk and pulled the covers over his head. With a deep, sighing breath he rolled onto his side and began to relax. "Tony?" Dagwood had obviously not taken the hint. Tony didn't even open his eyes. "Yes Dag." "When do I get my party?" Party?!? Tony's eyes flew open. "Yeah, the party . . . when do you want it?" "Tonight." Panic was the only emotion Tony knew as he pushed the covers down to his waist, yet his voice was strangely calm. "Sure, tonight. No problem. What kind of party do you want?" "A surprise party. Like the one we gave Commander Ford last night. With balloons, and cake, and presents, and party ha . . ." "Okay Dagwood, I get the picture! Surprise party, tonight. No problem!" "Thank you Tony." The giant turned and to leave the room, then remembered his manners. "Thank you Lucas," he said to the upper bunk's occupant. As soon as the door shut, Lucas hung his head down from the upper bed. "TONY! A surprise party . . ." "I know," Tony yelled. "I know." He looked at his roommate's face slowly start to turn red from hanging upside down. "I'll think of something." His voice sounded small, and distant. "I'll think of something . . . I hope." * * * * "Loni! You've got to help me!" Tony grabbed the chair beside the young helmsmen in the mess and sat down. Loni looked up from her breakfast of waffles in disbelief. She then turned to her dining partner Tim O'Neill. The two of them exchanged a brief bewildered look, and then Loni looked back at Tony, "what's wrong?" Lucas appeared at the table. "Tony's really messed up this time," he said as he placed his tray on the table beside O'Neill and sat down. O'Neill dropped his spoon into his Muselix. "Oh boy!" Loni looked at Tony, her brown eyes full of compassion, and Tony thought, fear. "What did you do?" Tony opened his mouth to explain, but Lucas continued with the story. There was silence around the table as he finished, and then O'Neill said, "You can't request a surprise birthday." "Dagwood doesn't know that!" Tony felt he had to defend his friend. "No Tony," O'Neill continued, "to request a surprise is a contradiction in terms. It's an oxymoron." "Oxymoron?" A new voice inserted itself into their conversation. "Lucas," Miguel Ortiz said as he put his cup of coffee on the table, "you're not picking on Lieutenant Brody again are you?" Miguel reached behind him with his right hand and grabbed a chair, which he turned backwards and placed at the end of their table. The sensor Chief straddled the chair and sat, taking a bite out of the bagel he had been holding in his left hand the whole time. Watching him eat the cream cheese laden bread, Tony realised that he was hungry. As Lucas retold the tale for Ortiz's benefit, Piccolo reached over to his plate and grabbed a waffle. "Tony!" Lucas admonished him, "get your own!" "I like yours better," he said as he took a bite out of the waffle. That should teach the kid to gloat. Besides he liked blueberry waffles, he thought as he dipped the waffle into the syrup on Wolenczak's plate. A soft, warm hand covering his broke Tony's train of thought. "It was sweet of you to offer to do this for Dagwood," Loni said, a smile on her lips. God! She was hot, Tony thought as he stared into those incredible brown eyes. What the hell did she see in O'Neill anyway? She could have had any man on the boat, yet here she was having breakfast with seaQuest's biggest nerd. "It's not surprising he wants a birthday considering the fuss we've made about them on this boat. We'll all help anyway we can . Right guys?" She looked around the table at the other three. None of them dared say no. Satisfied she had their consent, Loni continued. "Now the question is how are we going to give Dagwood a surprise birthday party tonight?" There was a brief silence and then Miguel asked, "Lucas, that fast food restaurant that Kreig manages, what's, it called?" "Mr. BooBoo's?" "Yeah that's it! Isn't just outside of Capequest?" Lucas nodded his head. Miguel looked at the others at the table. "Mr. BooBoo's has kids' parties all the time with balloons, funny hats, ice cream cakes. It's exactly the kind of thing that Dagwood would like. And since we know Kreig, we could get a special price." "Miguel," Tim said as he picked up his glass of orange juice. "You realize what you are proposing would mean that we would have to introduce Piccolo to Kreig." He took a sip of the juice. "Do you really think that humankind is ready for the outcome of that meeting?" He put the juice down on his tray. Miguel looked at Tim in silence as he thought about what he had said, and then looked at Lucas. A look of sheer horror crossed both their faces. "No!" Both of them said as they shook their heads. "Forget I even brought it up," Miguel finished. At this point, Tony wanted to wipe the decks with that smarmy communications officer's face. He knew when he was being made fun of. But he also knew what hitting Tim O'Neill would cost him. Striking an officer was what got him here in the first place. He was about to comeback with a smart comment when Tim spoke. "What Dagwood wants is a party," he said. "He knows it's going to happen, so there is no point in trying to surprise him like we did with Commander Ford, and Dr. Smith. The surprise will come in how it ends up." "Like mine?" Loni asked, placing her hand over O'Neill's. "Like yours." He squeezed her hand, and the two of them shared a small private smile. Tony felt like throwing up. "So," Tim continued, "I think we should just plan a party, and get him there." "Now the only question is time," Lucas said as he cut his remaining waffle into pieces. "We've all got shifts today, that really puts a crimp in our schedule." "We can use the decorations from Commander Ford's party," Miguel said. "Lucas, you and I were supposed to clean up the captain's quarters today anyway." "And the galley should be able to make us some cake," Tim added. "If we hold it late enough, say 9:00 p.m. we shouldn't need any other food." Loni finished the last bite of her waffles. "I'm on shuttle duty today. Anything we can't scrounge, I can pick up between runs. And once word gets out, we should have no problem with guests . . . or help for that matter. In fact I could get some of the people going ashore to pick stuff up" She paused to think. "Now the only question is where to hold it." "How about the wardroom?" Tony asked. Miguel exhaled. "That means someone has to talk to the Captain." "You do it genius," Tony said as he took the cup of coffee from Lucas' tray. "You being almost like a son and all." "Do you mind!?!" Lucas was indignant. "I would like to eat at least some of my breakfast?" "You wouldn't have eaten any of this anyway. You're supposed to drink coffee." He took a sip, and then winced as the taste of sweet overpowered that of the coffee. "Although with the amount of sugar you put in this, you could eat it." It was Lucas' turn to laugh. Loni ignored the banter and continued with the planning. "I think someone should also talk to Commander Ford, just in case." "Miguel you should do that," Tim suggested. "Why do I have to talk to the Commander about it?" "Because he likes you Ortiz," answered Tony, having recovered from the sugar attack enough to speak. "Okay, the party is at nine in the Captain's Wardroom." Tim began to tally up what had to be done. "So Lucas you're going to talk to the Captain. Miguel once you've talked to Commander Ford, go help Lucas with the decorations. Loni you're in charge of presents. Tony, you talk to the galley about the cake and make arrangements with Loni to get the presents from the shuttle to the wardroom. You'll also have to pass on her if there is anything else we need. And all of you spread the word about the party." Just like an officer, Tony thought, to delegate without giving himself a job. Well he wasn't going to get away with it. "What are you going to do Lieutenant?" "I have some very heavy communications equipment that needs to be moved." * * * * "Here are the streamers Chief Mackay got," Loni said as she handed the bag to Tony. "And Seaman Chiu said she and Irish will pick up the rootbeer. Anything else we need?" Tony pulled a list out of his pocket, and handed it over to the young Ensign. "Noisemakers. And Lieutenant Fallon needs more strawberries for the cake." Loni looked at the list. "Right!" Tony turned to leave, and then remembered, "party hats. Jules says we need party hats." "Jules?" "You know, Jules," Tony explained. "Miguel's latest girl. When she heard what we were doing, she volunteered to help." "Told you it would happen." "You should see the crowd in there Loni. People are just dropping in to help decorate. Others are bringing stuff for the big guy. One of the engineers, I think her name is Katie, even made a pinata shaped like a dolphin. It's great!" "And is Tim keeping Dagwood busy?" Tony started to laugh. "Lieutenant O'Neill has developed an acute case of tendonitis in his right wrist, and Dr. Smith has ordered him not to use the hand. Unfortunately one of the communication relays seems to have burnt out last night, and has to be changed. seaQuest is so short staffed that the Captain has assigned Dagwood to help O'Neill change it. Last time I checked, he was explaining the difference between a roundhead screwdriver and a Phillips screwdriver." Loni smiled. "I've got to go, but I need you to do something for me. I need pictures of people on this list." She handed Tony a clipboard. "They don't have to be formal portraits, in fact the more casual the better." Tony looked at the first page of the list and then flipped to the second. "Loni, there's got to be forty people on this list!" "Tony," Loni said as she started to back away, "I don't have time to explain! Just get the pictures, and get them to write on the back of the pictures who's in it, where and when it was taken." She turned and ran towards the waiting shuttle, then stopped and looked at Piccolo. "And get everyone to look at the list and make sure I haven't missed any of Dagwood's friends. If I have, make sure you get their pictures too!" Loni reached the shuttle. "Lisa! I need you to do me a favour . . ." The shutting of the shuttle door closed off the end of the request. "Pictures?" Tony was still confused. "Why does she need pictures?" * * * * Seven hours later Tony entered the Captain's wardroom. It looked nothing like the austere meeting room it had been this morning. There were balloons everywhere! One large cluster of red and white balloons hung from the middle of the ceiling, with the ends of the gold ribbons that tied the whole thing together dangling out here and there. Someone, probably Rufio, Tony thought as he looked at the red and white streamers that led from the balloon arrangement to the tops of the walls, had taken the colour scheme to the extreme. More streamers hung down the walls, making the place look more like a tent then a wardroom. Streamers had been wrapped around the chairs, the table, anything that was stationary. Balloons had also been tied to almost everything in the room, some stationary, some not. There was a banner hanging from one wall, on which some had hand-painted Happy Birthday Dagwood! "What do you think?" Tony turned to face his questioner. Lucas was standing there, wearing a goofy party hat, two glasses of red liquid in his hands. "Great! But, doesn't the banner," Tony gestured to the fabric behind him, "make it impossible for Darwin to drop in?" "Darwin's not really interested in Dagwood," Lucas said as he handed one of the glasses to Tony. Tony took a sip from the glass and sputtered. "What's this?!?" "Fruit punch," Lucas smiled at Piccolo's reaction. "Lieutenant Spyridon felt that alcohol would not be appropriate for Dagwood's birthday party." "Yeah?" Tony looked over to the "bar" area. The captain's steward has standing guard over the punch bowl. From the way she looked at him, Tony knew there was no chance at spiking the punch. Tony continued his gaze around the room. Brody was telling a story to a quickly growing crowd. Lieutenant (j.g.) Wong, her arm firmly locked with the Lieutenant's, stood beside him. Commander Ford was also in the crowd, as was Lieutenant Dumont. Jules and Miguel were enjoying some quality time in the corner. Seaman Chiu and Seaman Irish were enjoying some rootbeer as they talked to Lisa, who waved when she made eye contact with Tony. Both Dr. Smith and the Captain were sitting at the table, deeply engrossed in a conversation. Chief Mackay and Rufio were making appropriate oohing noises of Lieutenant Fallon's cake, as the cook was lighting the candles. "Are we missing anyone?" "Tim, the birthday boy, and Loni . . . ah there she is now." Lucas said as the Ensign came into the wardroom carrying a large box in her hands. "Did she ever explain what she wanted the pictures for?" "No, she just took them from me and disappeared into her quarters." Tony said as he watched Ensign Seet detached herself from the crowd around Lieutenant Brody, and crossed over to Loni. The two exchanged greetings, and then Wanda pointed to Loni's bare head. She then put a gaudy party hat on the helmsman's head. Loni laughed, and motioned towards Tony. Ensign Seet looked shocked and then headed over to where he was standing. It was then that Tony realised he was the only one not wearing a hat. Luckily Ensign Seet's effort was thwarted by the arrival of Tim and Dagwood. "SURPRISE!" Dagwood looked around the room as the yells and cheers subsided, a look of wonder on his face. He asked shyly, "this is for me?" "Yeah Big Guy," Tony yelled across the wardroom. "You wanted a party, you got it!" Ensign Seet took that as her cue, and slipped a hat on to Dagwood's head. Tim then guided Dagwood over to table where the cake was sitting. Wanda started a round of "Happy Birthday!" as Dagwood stared in amazement at the cake. When the song finished, he leaned over and gently blew the candles out. Then he looked up and said, "thank you." Loni walked over to seaQuest's janitor and handed him the box she had been carrying. He turned it over in his giant hands a few times, and then asked "is this for me too?" "Yes Dagwood," Loni smiled, "it's your present." "Can I open it now?" Loni laughed and nodded. Dagwood slowly removed the colourful paper that was wrapped around the box, being very careful not to rip it. He then opened the box and removed a photo album. He read the words written on the front cover. "Family album," he said. "But Loni, I don't have a family." "Look inside." Dagwood opened the front cover and looked at the first picture. "Who do you see," Loni asked. "Captain Bridger." "Who else?" Dagwood turned the page. "Dr. Smith, Tony, Lucas and Miguel." "Right," Loni said. "Your family." "I don't understand." "Loni, let me handle this," Dr. Smith put her drink down and leaned forward. "Dagwood, sometimes our friends mean so much to us that we think of them as our family. That's what those pictures mean. We've worked so closely together that we have become a family." "So the crew of the seaQuest is my family?" Wendy smiled and nodded. Lieutenant Brody spoke up from his spot against the wall. "A wise man once told me Dagwood, that the navy's been family to a lot of people." He looked straight at Commander Ford, a soft smile on his face. Dagwood began to turn the pages of the photo album, looking at each picture intently. Loni leaned forward and gave a quick kiss on the cheek. "Happy Birthday Dagwood!" When he looked up, Tony was sure there were tears in his eyes. / Deanna Toxopeus Numquam obliviscaris tua tela fact / Carleton University ab eis qui minima liciti sunt / dtoxopeu@ccs.carleton.ca / St. John Ambulance Brigade Never forget your weapon is / MA Student - Canadian History made by the lowest bidder / Questie, Sentinel, fanfic author / http://www.carleton.ca/~dtoxopeu/